Let Me See That Sushi Roll

March 5, 2010

Last night I accompanied two friends to a $20 All-You-Can-Eat sushi dinner, and let me tell you. If you’ve never tried it, go. Do it. It’s like freaking endurance training. Remember in Fight Club when Tyler says, “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” Yeah. How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight with your own body?

When you go to All-You-Can-Eat sushi, you pay the flat fee and start ordering delectable-sounding menu items, Boston roll after futo roll after spider roll. You can order as many as you want at the same time, and that includes appetizers like tempura and edamame. The thing is, so you’re not just ordering the whole menu and letting a bunch go to waste as soon as you satisfy your craving (since that shit costs dollas, son), you pay extra money for every additional piece you leave on your plate. Some restaurants are as costly as $5 per remaining piece. Ouch. So you eat the whole damn thing. And if you cannot, you desperately try to lure other people at your table away from their own Japanese-cuisine cross to bear in order to help you finish off the rest of your fish, rice, and seaweed little bundles of joy.

If you are a sushi junkie like I am—the kind of person who would put a dragon roll directly into your veins if you could figure out a way to liquefy it on a spoon—you cannot resist the urge to use a sweet maki deal like this to figure out the limit of your physical tolerance. And oh god—it is eye-opening. You go in daring to find out what you’re made of, and you stagger out highly suspecting you’re now at least partially made of Japanese delicacies.

I can report that I survived. I can report that it was uncomfortable after two Sapporo’s and the second roll, and highly uncomfortable after I pushed beyond the third roll. The fourth roll was past the point of good-reasoning and might have been easier to take if I had removed a vital organ to make some room. Note for next time.

But I can say this—totally worth it. When I die, skimp on the fancy coffin and cover my grave with sushi. Please, and thank you.

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