You cannot wang your chung.

September 2, 2009

wang chung

I was given permission by my man-friend to re-post this after a very long and rather beautifully exasperating G-chat session:

Man Friend: So, when I was with Lisa, I told her about our conversation that culminated in you winging a red pen at me.

me: a figurative red pen, or did I do this in person?

Man Friend: A figurative red pen. It was over G-chat.
So I asked if “winged” was the correct past-tense of “wing.”
it doesn’t sound right.
I wing a pen.
I winged a pen.
It sounds wrong.
I wang a pen?
I wought a pen?
I have wung a pen?

me: winged.

Man Friend: Lisa said, “It gives that song ‘Everybody Have Fun Tonight’ a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?”
Everybody have fun tonight
(Everybody have fun tonight)
Everybody wought chung tonight
(Everybody wought chung tonight)
Everybody winged chung? That doesn’t make sense either.

me: LOL
Well, what does present-tense “wang chung” mean?
And perhaps I can help

Man Friend: No, it clearly must be past tense.
He’s saying that some time ago, but still tonight, people were winging chung.
..Whatever that is.

me: Wait,

Man Friend: If it was present tense, then it would be “everybody wing chung.”

me: If I remember correctly, it’s in present tense. Actually, technically future tense, since he’s telling everybody what to do tonight.

Man Friend: “The winging has already occurred. Therefore, have fun.”

me: And Wang Chung is who sang it, right? So, were it to be past-tense, since it’s a single phrase, it would be Wang Chunged, awful though that is.
Or Wang Chang.

Man Friend: See, now that’s just silly.

me: Because telling everyone to wang chung tonight is completely sobering.

Man Friend: Whoa. I didn’t even think of that.
“Wang” as a verb.
A verbification of the noun “wng.”

me: I am disinclined to believe it.

Man Friend: It’s right up there with “girls, rock your boys.”

me: I stick with “Wang Chung” is a complete phrase, therefore you cannot make the first word past tense.

Man Friend: Only they’re saying [presumably boys] “wang your chung.”
…Whatever chung is.

me: No no no no no
what’s even going on
where am i

Man Friend: A cheap Mexican place, burning off a lunchtime bender?

me: Clearly. This sounds like the kind of nonsensical, Lewis Carroll conversation I’d have with one of my ridiculous coworkers.
You cannot wang your chung.
You might chung your wang

Man Friend: You cannot, or should not?

me: But there again, you can’t because it’s acting as one whole phrase

Man Friend: You can probably wang a great many things, ethical or no.

me: you cannot. Physically impossible
It’s like biking your ride.

Man Friend: You’re suggesting that chung is a verb?
I _ching_, I _chang_, I have _chung_?

me: No, I’m suggesting Wang Chung is a proper noun, as it’s the name of band, so you can’t conjugate just one word from it
it’s preposterous

PM Man Friend: Well, Sting is the name of a singer, but you can still conjugate that.

me: well, to be fair, I ching, I chang, I have chung. Chung would be past participle
but that is moot, because you can’t conjugate part of a proper noun phrase!

Man Friend: Wang, Have Chung.

me: no
I have wang chung?
I will wang ching.

Man Friend: I’m saying that the proper name of this band is the conjugated form of the verb wing.

me: I did wang chang.
It is not.
Lies, falsehood, and general knavery.
This is all wrong.

Man Friend: I am known for my general knavery.
And the winging of chung, as well.

me: This is the second time today I’ve had to utter, “I cannot believe I’m having this conversation.”
After “And furthermore, you’d see neither fire nor rain if you had moutheyes.”

Man Friend: Ah, yes.

me: You are not known for the winging of chung.
Knavery perhaps.
But not the winging of chung. Which, for that matter, calls to mind an image of doing something unsavory with some body fluid.

Man Friend: I was thinking that.

me: of an unspecific nature.

Man Friend: _From
*chung*   /dʒʊŋ/
–noun Chinese: (in Confucianism) conscientiousness in one’s dealings with others.
This is the only definition.
So clearly, wang is the verb here.
…Unless wang is an adjective.
The chung of one’s wang, perhaps.

me: Gross.
Wang chung = smegma.

Man Friend: No no. Conscientiousness when using the wang. Safe sex.

me: Yeah, but that’s not what it sounds like when you say the chung of one’s wang.
Just saying.

Man Friend: I agree.

me: If I were with a guy whose wang admittedly had chung, he would be seeing a doctor before he ever saw me naked.

Man Friend: You’re not one of those “come get your chung all over me” kind of girls, huh?

me: I’m not even sure I know how to respond to that question.
I know chung is pretty hard to get out of things at the laundromat.
If that helps.

Man Friend: Do you or do you not like guys to shoot their conscientiousness all over you?

me: I don’t like conscientiousness just flying all willy-nilly everywhere.